Jul 15 2010

What is Love?

Drugs made me feel good
but drugs weren’t love
It was the suffering I went through
to get me off the stuff

It wasn’t giving me the sweet
until my belly started aching
It was teaching me to give
more than I was taking

It wasn’t the little lie
that spared my ego’s bruising
It was the truth that made me realize
the path that I was choosing

Not an emotion but an act
Not an illusion but a fact
A belief proved in believing
A life proved in the living

With the power to make the dead rise
unblock the ears and open the eyes
It is the truth of our existence
that makes us free to live our lives


Jun 13 2010

Homophobic

The idea of eating a live tarantula
Or diving open-mouthed into human excrement
Was close to how I felt about
Guys who “acted funny.”

It started with a movie portraying
A guy who befriended another
Then suggested something uncomfortably abnormal
As “payment” for his kindness.

Then a foreigner in town for the summer
Fixed his eyes on me like I look at girls
It made me feel so creeped out
I wanted to punch him in the face.

At times they were amusing
And cool once you got to know them
But seemed surrounded by so much drama
I thought they were mentally ill.

‘Til one day a co-worker I respected
Was all broken up and in tears
I went over to find out what had him distraught
And he shared that he had just been “dumped”

Now I was thinking he must have really loved her
For it to affect him this way
And as he started to explain what had happened
I discovered that he was gay.

But interestingly enough I wasn’t creeped out
But felt compassion for this sensitive heart
And realized that there were some gay folk
Who were just like everybody else.

Since then I’ve come across others
Some assholes, some predators, and some cool
And have cured my homophobia
With the knowledge that they’re people, too.


Jun 13 2010

Immortality

In the slow of the day
when my senses expand
Sleeping thoughts open up like a flower

Life becomes a favorite picture I’ve lost
But remember and keep in my heart


Jun 13 2010

Anonymity’s expression

“There is no art to read the mind’s construction in the face”
For such are masks designed to offer what protects their place.
Anonymity’s expression mirror’s every other mood
Revealing nothing to observer’s but their own fear, hate, or good.


Nov 10 2009

Today I feel…

I feel like I’m sitting at the train station and don’t know which train to get on. I don’t know if I’m early or late. None of the trains that have passed looked familiar and there’s nothing coming down the tracks. Been sitting here for awhile now listening to the wind. Its a little chilly outside and I’m pretty much the only person on the platform except for the guy digging in the trash can a little ways down. My stomach is growling and I don’t have any change, keys, or a phone on me. If it wasn’t for the bag I have sitting next to me that just has a few clothes and my toothbrush in it, I’d feel naked and utterly lost. The sun just peeked through the clouds. A little encouragement from God?


Nov 8 2009

Drugs in School – Just say “No.”

There once was a boy who when in the first grade
Would spin, twirl, and fly as if dancing on stage
He’d chop at the air like a robot gone mad
And would jump kick three feet (he wasn’t half bad)

He’d hide around corners, disappear into walls
He’d crouch like a jack-in-the-box, like a spider he’d crawl
He was always wound up and just couldn’t be still
His teacher, always fed up, had a voice that was quite shrill

He made sounds like Bruce Lee during math everyday
And did stunts like Jackie Chan after lunch during play
He’d flip down the hallways when his class was in line
And hop over seats on the bus all the time

His teacher would tell him to “Calm down!” and “Stop!
She saw his behavior as over the top
But he didn’t do it for laughs, though for him it was fun
He wasn’t being funny, and he didn’t cause harm

He was placed in time out, but that didn’t help
He just tried to climb up the walls and the shelves
He was sent to the classroom next door for a stay
The teachers have never been friends since that day

His parents were called but they too had no clue
As a matter of fact no one knew what to do
The principal suggested they ignore his condition
But if warranted give the boy in school suspension

They all turned to look at the boy in his chair
In his own world, chopping the air
They asked, one by one, if he could control
His impulse to practice karate at school

He nodded his head when his mom made him look
Reached in the desk and took out a book
And just when the adults collectively sighed
He jumped on the chair and let that book fly

The school counselor insisted they put him on meds
To make his behavior more like other kids
To help him focus, and help him keep still
And his parents reluctantly gave him the pills

When he started to take them, he seemed a bit strange
As if overnight his behavior had changed
The sunshine inside him was smothered and stained
The joy he once had felt washed out by gray rain

After one week he was able to sit still in his seat
And the teacher, once shrill, had a voice that was sweet
It was heaven to teach math without his strange sounds
And not have to worry when he was on the playground

His mother, one evening while watching him eat
Noticed she wasn’t bothered by his fidgeting feet
She didn’t have to hush him when she was on the phone
She didn’t have to tell him to leave the puppy alone

He didn’t jump out and surprise her anymore
He didn’t play with the broomstick while sweeping the floor
He didn’t splash all the water out of the tub on bath nights
He didn’t pull down the sheets hung to dry during “fights”

He didn’t throw his arms around her and hug her real tight
Before being tucked into bed every night
And then with a tear she’d held back for a while
She noticed that her little boy didn’t smile


Nov 8 2009

I convert what I see into feeling

I convert what I see into feeling
My feelings guide my will
My will depends on my eyes
I am still a child

Life feeds my dreams
Provides the vocabulary for my fantasies
Impotence inspires perversion
Those who cannot kill commit suicide

I see my cat breathing, asleep
And am reminded of a dead animal in the street
Cats eat, sleep, play, and hunt
What do we work for?

Light fades, I sleep
Today becomes yesterday
Soon the details of yesterday are forgotten
What is today for?

I fly in my dreams and reluctantly rise from my bed
The world pushes and pulls me like the moon
I am an ocean of white sheets
As moody and as deep as the darkness of my imagination

I go outside for air
And stand in the courtyard, in the cold, in the sun
Wrap myself inside my own mind
And scream the songs of the universe silently

Spoiled with food, sex and entertainment
Under their influence I am nothing more than a bag of shit
Only when I am alone, hungry and cold, do I begin to know myself
Far away from other words, thoughts, and perspectives

I do not question music, I just listen and move
Without its rhythm I am alone and hungry
And out of this pain I move, and create, and eat
This is the only time I savor anything

The human voice is warm like a candle
When I am alone, I am drawn to it
Drawn in to others and away from myself
That is when I become enslaved

Their light is blinding and time – pressure binding my mind
I stare blankly at the world I have bathed in their light
My own light behind me
Forgotten like yesterday