Nov 10 2009

Today I feel…

I feel like I’m sitting at the train station and don’t know which train to get on. I don’t know if I’m early or late. None of the trains that have passed looked familiar and there’s nothing coming down the tracks. Been sitting here for awhile now listening to the wind. Its a little chilly outside and I’m pretty much the only person on the platform except for the guy digging in the trash can a little ways down. My stomach is growling and I don’t have any change, keys, or a phone on me. If it wasn’t for the bag I have sitting next to me that just has a few clothes and my toothbrush in it, I’d feel naked and utterly lost. The sun just peeked through the clouds. A little encouragement from God?


Nov 8 2009

Drugs in School – Just say “No.”

There once was a boy who when in the first grade
Would spin, twirl, and fly as if dancing on stage
He’d chop at the air like a robot gone mad
And would jump kick three feet (he wasn’t half bad)

He’d hide around corners, disappear into walls
He’d crouch like a jack-in-the-box, like a spider he’d crawl
He was always wound up and just couldn’t be still
His teacher, always fed up, had a voice that was quite shrill

He made sounds like Bruce Lee during math everyday
And did stunts like Jackie Chan after lunch during play
He’d flip down the hallways when his class was in line
And hop over seats on the bus all the time

His teacher would tell him to “Calm down!” and “Stop!
She saw his behavior as over the top
But he didn’t do it for laughs, though for him it was fun
He wasn’t being funny, and he didn’t cause harm

He was placed in time out, but that didn’t help
He just tried to climb up the walls and the shelves
He was sent to the classroom next door for a stay
The teachers have never been friends since that day

His parents were called but they too had no clue
As a matter of fact no one knew what to do
The principal suggested they ignore his condition
But if warranted give the boy in school suspension

They all turned to look at the boy in his chair
In his own world, chopping the air
They asked, one by one, if he could control
His impulse to practice karate at school

He nodded his head when his mom made him look
Reached in the desk and took out a book
And just when the adults collectively sighed
He jumped on the chair and let that book fly

The school counselor insisted they put him on meds
To make his behavior more like other kids
To help him focus, and help him keep still
And his parents reluctantly gave him the pills

When he started to take them, he seemed a bit strange
As if overnight his behavior had changed
The sunshine inside him was smothered and stained
The joy he once had felt washed out by gray rain

After one week he was able to sit still in his seat
And the teacher, once shrill, had a voice that was sweet
It was heaven to teach math without his strange sounds
And not have to worry when he was on the playground

His mother, one evening while watching him eat
Noticed she wasn’t bothered by his fidgeting feet
She didn’t have to hush him when she was on the phone
She didn’t have to tell him to leave the puppy alone

He didn’t jump out and surprise her anymore
He didn’t play with the broomstick while sweeping the floor
He didn’t splash all the water out of the tub on bath nights
He didn’t pull down the sheets hung to dry during “fights”

He didn’t throw his arms around her and hug her real tight
Before being tucked into bed every night
And then with a tear she’d held back for a while
She noticed that her little boy didn’t smile


Nov 8 2009

I convert what I see into feeling

I convert what I see into feeling
My feelings guide my will
My will depends on my eyes
I am still a child

Life feeds my dreams
Provides the vocabulary for my fantasies
Impotence inspires perversion
Those who cannot kill commit suicide

I see my cat breathing, asleep
And am reminded of a dead animal in the street
Cats eat, sleep, play, and hunt
What do we work for?

Light fades, I sleep
Today becomes yesterday
Soon the details of yesterday are forgotten
What is today for?

I fly in my dreams and reluctantly rise from my bed
The world pushes and pulls me like the moon
I am an ocean of white sheets
As moody and as deep as the darkness of my imagination

I go outside for air
And stand in the courtyard, in the cold, in the sun
Wrap myself inside my own mind
And scream the songs of the universe silently

Spoiled with food, sex and entertainment
Under their influence I am nothing more than a bag of shit
Only when I am alone, hungry and cold, do I begin to know myself
Far away from other words, thoughts, and perspectives

I do not question music, I just listen and move
Without its rhythm I am alone and hungry
And out of this pain I move, and create, and eat
This is the only time I savor anything

The human voice is warm like a candle
When I am alone, I am drawn to it
Drawn in to others and away from myself
That is when I become enslaved

Their light is blinding and time – pressure binding my mind
I stare blankly at the world I have bathed in their light
My own light behind me
Forgotten like yesterday


Nov 8 2009

A smear of finger paint

Just a smear of finger paint
As I long for my muse
Who’s borrowed my yellows
And left me her blues

And a dry tired eye
And a patience resigned
To a stillness of laughter
And a late lullabye

But a cup of my heart
Is still wet with the taste
Of the bitter root left me
To want – just in case

I will find you again
In between every breath
With a smile quite peculiar
And a word in my mouth

Like the scent from a garden
On a tide of warm air
I will love you in moments
While I play in your hair

God be with me and link us
Like a truth we both share
Of a day and a night we live in
Each somewhere

I will rest in the memory
That at times blossoms hope
And love you on a cold day
The way I love a warm coat


Jul 16 2009

“In my own image”

With the authority of knowing by rote they read
Blind crows with a taste for their own feathered deeds
Their own fathers, emperors of delusion and greed
Borne by weakness, they are their own seed

Their podium the throne and pulpit of god
The man in the mirror, whose eyes gray and wilde
Lose focus on purpose in favor of shade
And smile at the creature willfulness made

A vanity of pathological denial
Hellbent to control the world if not themselves
A Medusean redemption purchased with fools gold
A bold lie fashioned from Hollywood

Silken words woven into satin so sheer
Their luster and flattery catch every ear
And belief is a truth that is never as clear
As when men rob the grave so that they can stay here

They read and are read from the book of the dead
Each letter of each page inked in their own hand
Unseen by ears of fear and inferiority
And so elected from the damned they decree

“In my own image…!”

And every amen, though deafening, knows
That there is no heaven where men are alone


Jul 14 2009

Over

Burning holes into oblivion
I watched her sit down and refuse to look at me
Even with my heart smeared carefully on the chalkboard
She couldn’t do the math

So I climbed out from behind my eyelids
Shook off my tear soaked socks
Dried my feet in her yawns
While looking past her for the first time

The pimples on my back would never sprout wings
But I jumped anyway
Off her nose
Nearly breaking my back on her lower lip

When I peeled my face off the ground
Felt the clear liquid leaking from my popped sores
I stood wrapped in the sun
Having finally let her go


Jun 24 2009

Black Panthers

Dark and frightening
black
Afraid and angry
black
Screaming from the jungle they were trapped in
black
Lived in
black
Loved and hated
black
Hunted from
black

: those poachers and encroachers who practiced the white lie of zoology upon them
Took skins for trophies
Made necklaces of their teeth
Stuffed them for display
And put them on the endangered species list
black